


Seal the Deal

by poedarneron



Category: Gravity Falls, Homestuck
Genre: Crossover, Crossovers & Fandom Fusions
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-28
Updated: 2016-02-28
Packaged: 2018-05-23 16:22:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6122315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/poedarneron/pseuds/poedarneron
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>EB: Uh. This is getting kinda surreal and faustian but. What are you offering?<br/>Bill Cipher: WHY DEAR EGG BIRD, ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING YOU'VE EVER WANTED BUT COULDN'T HAVE!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> K srry the first chapter isnt the greatest but i promise it gets better. The third chapter is really where it starts to get interesting, in my opinion.

Bill Cipher : WELL HELLO THERE! ITS DEAR LITTLE EGG BIRD! AHAHHA AHAHHAHA HHAHAHAHAH!!!

EB: Uh.. wow. This is new.

Bill : I CAN SEE YOU ARE CONFUSED. WELL FEAR NOT! I'M ONLY AN INTERDIMENSIONAL DREAM DEMON!!! SEE? NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT!

EB: Wow. Suprising. Clearly the first I've seen today.  
I am literally trembling in fear.

Bill : HAHAH ALWAYS SUCH A JOKER! WELL FEAR NOT! or SHOULD I SAY, FEAR YES!   
*his voice drops, he becomes red and more demonlike*  
HA HA HAAA  
*turned back to normal*  
SOOO  
SINCE YOU'RE HERE. WHY NOT STRIKE A DEAL WITH LIL OLE ME? I'LL MAKE IT REAAAAL INTERESTING FOR YA!

EB: Uh. This is getting kinda surreal and faustian but. What are you offering?

Bill : WHY DEAR EGG BIRD, ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING YOU'VE EVER WANTED BUT COULDN'T HAVE! WANT YOUR DAD BACK? HOW ABOUT YOUR OLD LIFE? OH OH OH I KNOW! THE HAND OF THE LOVELY LADY ROXY LALONDE EH BOY?????  
*winks*

EB: Roxy and I are friends! And how do you know about all of this?

Bill : I KNOW ALL, SILLY BOY.   
SO.  
WHADDYA SAY?  
WE CAN WORK OUT ALL THE SMALL, PETTY DETAILS LATER IF YOU'D LIKE.

EB: Well.

Bill : HMM??  
WELL WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?

EB: I want my dad back, but even if I still asked for my old life back there's still so much to be fixed with this whole Lord English and cancerous universe and fish empress deal.

Bill: THAT CAN ALLLLLLLLL BE POOFED AWAY, NO TROUBLE!   
...  
GIVEN THAT OLD MAN SCRATCH DOESN'T GET PRISSY WITH ME...

EB: I don't think you're going to be very straight forward about this. You're like some malicious doritos shaped genie.   
Wait, you know that guy? Or, well, knew, I guess.

Bill : I AM NOT A DORITO!!!!!!

EB: You look like one! Why do you only have one eye? And why don't you have a mouth? And how is your hat doing that?

Bill : YOU STOP THAT! I WOULDN'T MAKE FUN OF YOUR BUCK TEETH NOW WOULD I?

EB: Hey! Not cool! I've been told that they're endearing!

Bill : SUUURE THEY ARE.

EB: You're just eerie looking. And your voice is ear grating.

Bill : !!!

Bill : YOU WANT THIS DEAL OR NOT, BOY?

EB: I want to know exactly what I'm getting here first!

Bill : ANYTHING YOU WANT, OF COURSE, GIVEN THAT YOU DO ME A LIL FAVOR DOWN THE LINE.

EB: What are the extents of your demon powers, exactly? Mr,... uh. Triangle man. And what kinda favor?

Bill : I CAN DO ANYTHING! I AM A FORT- HEY WAIT. THAT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!

EB: What? How is that none of my business?

Bill : BECAUSE.  
WELL.  
NEVER MIND THAT!

EB: So you're just trying to dupe me? 

Bill : NO NO, I WOULD NEVER! THE FAVOR I WILL ASK OF YOU MAY DEPEND ON WHATEVER I WANT.

EB: Awh c'mon, give me a general idea here.

Bill : I MIGHT TAKE MERCY ON YOU IF YOU ARE POLITE, AND STOP ASKING SO MANY QUESTIONS.

EB: Mercy?

Bill : HMM. HOW ABOUT YOUR... SOUL? OR PERHAPS TO SPICE THINGS UP A LITTLE. A FRIENDS SOUL?


	2. Chapter 2

Bill : IT'S NOT LIKE YOU WILL NOTICE! SO DON'T WORRY! THEY WILL ACT THE SAME AND SUCH IN THE FIXED UNIVERSE! THEY JUST WON'T HAVE A SPIRIT AFTER DEATH!   
OH WHOOPS. YOU WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT. OH WELL.

EB: But I can't just give you anyone's soul! Unless...  
Can you take the soul of that green skull kid I beat up?

Bill : NO.

EB: Shit.

Bill : HE'S WORTHLESS AND CRUDE.

EB: How about ... the troll empress? Not Meenah, or Feferi, but the evil one.

Bill : SHE'S BARBAAAAARIC!

EB: Yeah, she really is.

Bill: OH. I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN.   
I.  
I ALLLLLWAYS KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN.  
I KNOW ALLLLLLLLL.

EB: Do you?

Bill: NO MORE SILLY QUESTIONS. 

EB: That was completely serious. Anyways. Could you possibly, well, take her soul NOW???  
If we're to come to a concession, I mean.

Bill : WHY.

EB: I thought you knew everything.

Bill : I WOULD LIKE TO HEAR IT FROM YA, KID. BESIDES, YOU WANT HER GONE. AND THAT'S NO FUN.

EB: Well, yeah. She's kind of responsible for killing a whole lot of people?

Bill : DON'T YOU LIIIIKE FUN?  
YOUR GAME IS SURE FUN!!!

EB: What? Sburb isn't fun.

Bill : WHY NOT?

EB: Ugh, just shut up!

Bill : YOU GOT NICE BREATH POWERS  
GOT TO MEET SOME NEW FRIENDS  
SOME EVEN TRIED TO KILL YOU!  
NOW ISN'T THAT FUUUUUNNN!!!!

EB: Yeah, but my friends are dead and/or dying! My sister was mind controlled until her last breath!   
Ugh, I just...

Bill : SIGH, YOU MORTALS AND YOUR LACK OF FUN. I FIND YOUR LACK OF FUN DISTURBING.

EB: Shut up! God, I wish I had never...

Bill : I CAN FULFILL YOUR WISHES YOU KNOW. MAKE IT ALLLLLLLLL AS IF IT NEVER HAD HAPPENED.

EB: But I'm not stupid! I know you're just trying to trick anyone and everyone you can strike up a deal with.

Bill : BUT THAT WOULD BE NO FUN. C'MON. YOU KNOW YOU WANNAAAAAA!

EB: God, shut up, your voice is killing me! Just give me a second...

Bill : ALLLLLLRIGHTY!  
ONE!!!  
TIMES UP!

EB: That's not what I meant. Ugh!

Bill : ahahaAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAH

EB: I wish rose was here. Rose is so much better at dealing with demons....

Bill : *snaps his fingers, and the Rose that Caliborn drew appears*

EB: No! NO!!!

Bill : HAHAHAHAH! LOOK, IT'S ROSE. YOUR FRIIIEEEEEEND!!!

EB: No, that's not Rose!

Bill : YOU ASKED FOR HER.

EB: That's that gross skull weeaboo's bastardization of my friend!

Bill : YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN MORE SPECIFIC.   
TSK TSK.

EB: No I didn't! I didn't agree to anything!

Bill : HAHAHAHA. YOU KNOW ME, I'M JUST JOKING AROUND LIKE ALWAYS. AHAHHAHAHHAHHAH.

EB: Whatever, just get that thing out of here. Please.

Bill : *poofs fake Rose out*  
FIIIIINE.

EB: Okay. Listen here Mister, uh, whats your name?

Bill : BOB. IT'S BOB.

EB: Bob? Really? That's so underwhelming.

Bill : JUST KIDDING!!!  
IT'S BILL CIPHER SILLY.

EB: That's just as underwhelming.

Bill : WHY EXCUUUUSE YOU. EGG BIRD.

EB: That's not even my name. Whatever.

Bill : YES IT IS.   
*poofs his birth certificate*  
IT IS NOW.

EB: Whatever! Listen, Bill, could you like. Fix the universe and bring back my friends? But.

Bill : BUT? BUT WHAT?

EB: Fix the universe somehow, back to the way it was before it was broken. And bring my friends back to the way they were, perfectly healthy, human, or troll, and not mind controlled, or anything bad.  
What would I need to do if you did that for me?


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is where the rp ended, and where i might decide to continue on. comment if i should continue on.

Bill : WOULD YOU LIKE SOME FRIES WITH THAT? HAHHAHAHA  
WELL. YOU COULD AGREE TO SELL YOUR SOUL AND BECOME MY SERVANT ONCE YOU'RE DEAD. OR, PERHAPS.  
PERHAPS YOU WOULD RATHER HAVE THE CONSEQUENCES OF BEING THE ONLY ONE WHO REMEMBERS?

EB: The only one who remembers ... Sburb?

Bill : YES, ALL OF IT.  
EVERY BIT. EVERY DEATH. EVERY SECRET ALLLLLLLL YOURS.

EB: Well...   
Will we win if I agree to this? Will everyone come out alive?

Bill : SURE, WHY NOT. THERE'S GONNA BE SOME UNEXPLAINED SCARS THOUGH. CONSIDERING THAT EVERYONE ELSE .... WILL LOSE THEIR MEMORIES.  
OH YEA, AND REMEMBER TO SAY HEY TO THE NEW PLANET IN YOUR SOLAR SYSTEM!

EB: And there's no way for them to remember any of this? Anything?  
Wait, what new planet?

Bill : NOPE! NO PRECIOUS MEMORIES FOR THEM! ALLLL FOR YOU! IT'S MY GIFT TO YOU.  
YOU MIIIIIGHT ALSO WANT TO REFRAIN FROM EXPLAINING TO THEM.

EB: Well yea, of course. They'll probably think I've lost my mind.

Bill : OF COURSE. YOU WOULD PROBABLY BE ALL LOCKED UP THE MOMENT A WORD PASSES YOUR LIPS. DO YOU THINK YOU CAN HANDLE THAT?

EB: No...  
Ugh. I couldn't be able to do that...

Bill : AW C;MON! IT'S EASY! I'LL EVEN THROW IN A BONUS, JUST TO MAKE IT EASIER FOR YOU. YOU CAN BE MUTE! THAT WAY NOOO WORDS MAY PASS YOUR LIPS!

EB: How is that a bonus! That'd just make it worse!

Bill : YOU HUMANS DO HAVE SIGN LANGUAGE DON'T YOU. AND YOU CAN STILL WRITE.

EB: I can't, if they won't remember, it would be torture! Being so alone like that. I couldn't. Especially if I couldn't even talk....  
Is there anything else I can do, instead?

Bill : NOPE! WELL THEN. MAKE A MOVIE OR SOMETHING OUT OF YOUR ADVENTURE. I NEVER SAID YOU COULDN'T WRITE ABOUT IT! OH OH! FOR YOUR MOVIE PREMIERE, I COULD EVEN BRING LIL OLE ME ALONG! FRONT ROW SEAT, YA CAN'T MISS ME!!!

EB: Oh god. Wouldn't just taking my soul be better?

Bill : WELL THEN, THAT WOULD BE BORING. I TAKE SOULS ALL THE TIME. YOU, MISTER, YOU ARE THE BIG TICKET TO FUN! SO WHAT DO YOU SAY? DEAL???

EB: Can I get a raincheck first? 

Bill : NOPE! WELL MAYBE. NOPE NEVERMIND!! DO OR DON'T. YES OR NO. ON... OR OFF.

EB: Wait, why were you so quick to change your mind on this? And that last analogy didn't even make sense.

Bill : HEY! I DO WHATEVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER I WANT! AND IT DID MAKE SENSE.

EB: No it didn't.

Bill : YES IT DID! SBURB IS A GAME. SO TURN OFF THE GAME OR KEEP THE GAME ON? OFF IS WHAT I'M OFFERING. THAT'S WHY I ADDED A DRAMATIC PAUSE! 

EB: Whatever, whatever. So if I choose off game and agree, you'll take my soul, bring everyone back to how they normally were, fix the universe so we can win, and when we do, we'll all be okay?

Bill : YES, AND DON'T FORGET YOUR MEMORIES AND MUTENESS. SO, DEAL?   
*waits with a bated breath*

EB: No, I'm not agreeing to being mute, or being the only one who remembers! Okay? Just....

Bill : *mumbling* FINE OKAY, I'LL TAKE AWAY BEING MUTE.

EB: And I didn't even summon you! Where did you come from?

Bill : WHY, THAT'S A LONG AND DELICIOUS ANSWER.  
ANYWAYS, SO IF I TAKE AWAY THE MUTENESS WILL YOU AGREE?

EB: Fine, whatever, forget that question. I can't be the only one who remembers though. Please?

Bill : FINE, FINE, KARKAT WILL REMEMBER IT TOO. OK? YA HAPPY YET KIDDO???  
DEAL? EGG BIRD? ANSWER ME!  
*starts to turn red and impatient*  
ANSWER.

EB: !   
Dude! That's creepy! Stop, I was just thinking for a second, holy shit.

Bill : *turns back to normal*  
ONE!   
TIME IS UP!!  
HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE ONE MORTAL TO THINK?  
TRICK QUESTION! APPARENTLY FOR FUCKING EVER!  
WHOOPS! EXCUSE MY FRENCH!!!

EB: ...  
Jeez.

Bill : HAHA, HUMANS COME UP WITH THE SILLIEST PHRASES AND WORDS FOR SWEARING. BE GLAD I DIDN'T SWEAR IN MY LANGUAGE. IT WOULD BURST YOUR EARDRUMS AND LEAVE YOU PARTIALLY MELTED!!!

EB: Right, right. Listen, I don't even know if I'll be able to contact Karkat after this. Can you at least make it so that more of us don't end up forgetting about all this?

Bill : LIKE I SAID. NEW PLANET IN YOUR SOLAR SYSTEM. IT WILL PROBABLY TAKE YOU A FEW CENTURIES TO GET THERE.

EB: That won't help! 

Bill : IT ONLY TOOK YOU A COUPLE TO GET TO YOUR PATHETIC MOON!

EB: Please? I'll be dead before that happens.

Bill : EH, BESIDES, IF YOU KEEP YOUR FAKE GOD POWERS. YOU WILL LIVE, AS LOOONG AS YOU DON'T DIE. I MEAN, BY INJURY, BECAUSE MAN, YOU HUMANS ARE FRAAAAGIILLLLLE!!! ANYWAYS, ISN'T THAT DOG GIRL A TELEPORTER?

EB: So I'll outlive all my friends?   
Wait, you mean Jade? Well, she can, but if she doesn't remember anything, she won't be able to...

Bill : WELL ACTUALLY, EVERYONE WILL KEEP OR GAIN THEIR SUPPOSED POWERS. IF THEY HADN'T ALREADY. FIND SOME WAYS TO INDIRECTLY REMIND THEM! REMEMBER! NOOOOO DIRECT, SPOKEN WORDS! THAT WOULD BE SOME TERRIBLE SPOILERS, EH? HAHA.

EB: Wait, so they can, in fact, remember? All I have to do is just make them remember?

Bill : SUUUUUURE WHY NOT. THAT WOULD BE FUN TO WATCH.

EB: But won't you still make me mute or something?   
Wait, you're going to watch? Ugh, that's sick.

Bill : WELL, NAH, I'M NOT GONNA MAKE YOU MUTE. I GUESS SEEING YOU ATTEMPT TO NOT VERBALLY TELL THEM WOULD BE FUN. REAAAAL FUN EHEHEHHE.   
SO, HOW ABOUT IT?

EB: ... Everyone will be safe?

Bill : YEA, YEA, SURE, WHATEVER KID. AS SAFE AS THEY CAN GET, BUT THEN AGAIN. TROLLS WERE NEVER QUITE THE SPECIES FOR SAFETY.

EB: That's true, well. I just have to get them to remember?

Bill : WELL KID, YOU TELL ME. NO ONE'S HOLDING A GUN TO YOUR HEAD AND FORCING YOU TO, BUT IF THAT'S WHAT YOU WANT TO DO THEN SURE. WHATEVER.

EB: Fine. I've decided. It's a deal.

Bill : DING DING DING! GRRRRRRRRREAT!!!  
*fires up his hands with blue flames*  
JUST SHAKE ON IT!  
*grabbing Johns' hand suddenly*  
*and then, just as suddenly, everything blacks out*  
*John wakes up in his room*  
*it's his thirteenth birthday*

**Author's Note:**

> if you were the john egbert rper of the original rp then i hope ur okay with me posting this years(/ idk a year or so?) later


End file.
